Advocating for Your Wants and Needs in Life: A Guide to Speaking Up for Yourself

How often do you find yourself putting your wants and needs on the back burner, convincing yourself that they’re not that important? Maybe you hesitate to ask for a raise at work, struggle to set boundaries in relationships, or downplay your emotional needs because you don’t want to “burden” anyone. But here’s the truth: advocating for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

When we don’t express our needs, we risk feeling unheard, undervalued, and even resentful. The reality is, no one can read your mind. If you want to live a fulfilling life, you have to be the one to step up and claim it. That means getting clear on what you need and finding the courage to voice it—whether that’s in your relationships, career, mental health journey, or daily life.

1. Get Clear on What You Want and Need

Before you can advocate for yourself, you need to define what you actually want. Take some time to reflect:

• What are my non-negotiables in relationships, work, and personal life?

• Where do I feel unfulfilled or overlooked?

• What boundaries do I need to set for my well-being?

Sometimes, we’ve spent so long neglecting our own needs that we don’t even know what they are anymore. Journaling, meditating, or simply sitting with your thoughts can help you reconnect with yourself.

2. Let Go of the Fear of Being “Too Much”

One of the biggest barriers to self-advocacy is fear—fear of being rejected, seen as difficult, or making someone uncomfortable. But think about this: If you silence yourself to make others comfortable, you end up living a life that’s not truly yours.

Remind yourself that you have just as much right to take up space as anyone else. Your needs are valid, even if they make others adjust.

3. Practice Assertive Communication

Advocating for yourself doesn’t mean being aggressive or confrontational—it means being clear, direct, and firm about what you need. Some ways to do this:

• Use “I” statements instead of blaming language. (“I need more support with this project” vs. “You never help me.”)

• Be specific about what you’re asking for. (“I’d like to set aside one evening a week for self-care” instead of “I need more time to myself.”)

• Stay calm and confident, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

4. Set Boundaries and Hold Them

Boundaries are one of the most powerful ways to advocate for yourself. They protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. But the key is not just setting them—holding them.

For example, if you tell a friend you need space but they keep overstepping, it’s okay to reinforce that boundary. “I really appreciate your support, but I need to take some time for myself right now.”

Boundaries are a form of self-respect. The people who truly value you will respect them, too.

5. Advocate for Yourself in Your Mental Health Journey

If you’re struggling with your mental health, self-advocacy is essential—whether that’s asking for accommodations at work, seeking out the right therapist, or even just telling loved ones what kind of support you need.

If a treatment isn’t working, speak up. If you feel dismissed by a doctor or therapist, advocate for a second opinion. Your well-being matters, and you have the right to be heard in your healing journey.

6. Give Yourself Permission to Take Up Space

At the end of the day, advocating for yourself comes down to believing you are worthy of having your needs met. You don’t need permission from anyone to exist fully, to ask for what you need, and to take up space in this world.

So, if you’ve been holding back—start small. Speak up for yourself in the little moments. Honor your feelings. Stand firm in your boundaries. And watch how your life shifts when you stop waiting for permission to be seen and start owning your worth.

You deserve that. Always.